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:iconvalora390: More from Valora390




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August 5, 2011
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We ran towards the window, and was unimpressed. The explosion was from Eggman himself. We reluctantly grabbed our boards, and zoomed through the center of town.

Meanwhile:

Silver and Blaze finally found the Tornado, but it was severly damaged. "Oh, great. Now what do we do?" Silver asked. "Well, we can't carry it, or fly it home, so we should report to Tails." said Blaze. "Good idea," replyed Silver. So they sped back toward Tail's workshop and told him the Tornado's conditon. Tails replyed: "Well, since the engine's down, the wings were chipped, and the wheels are flat, look's like it will be a while till she's back in the air again. Go check on Sonic and Valora. They should be in the backyard."
Silver and Blaze checked the backyard, but they weren't there! At that moment, another explosion went off, and they realized where they went.

Back at the center of town:

Sonic spotted Eggman's cockpit, so we sped towards it. When Sonic leaped off his board, sterched his arms, and was ready to attack, a giant hand came out of the machine, and grabbed him! Sonic tried to break free, but it was no use. "Valora, help me!" Sonic exclaimed, but I was too stunned to move. I gazed at what was happening, and slowly fell off my board and flew to the ground. "Valora!" Sonic yelled, with all his might. Eggman cheerfully exclaimed, "Now that that's over with, time to squeeze you to a pulp!" The giant hand began to squeeze Sonic, sucking the life out of him. As soon as I heard that, I flipped over and landed hard on my feet. I glared at Eggman and whistled for my board. It came as was told, and sped toward the cockpit. "Broadsword!" I exclaimed. Suddenly, the sword appeared in my hand. I finally reached the cockpit, and looked at Sonic. He almost turned white! I glared angerly at Eggman, saying: "You need to know a thing or two about me. You'll never know what happens next." I turned around and cut the hand right off his machine. The arm fell towards the ground, with Sonic still in it. I suddenly zoomed towards the ground, and rescued Sonic before it crashed and exploded. I gently put Sonic down on a small roof, but was big enough to hold his weight. I furiously turned around and slashed his cockpit cover to pieces. Eggman cowered in fear as I took a chaos emerald, and said:"Chaos Blast!" A huge explosion went off and his machine was gone. I realized the state I was in wounded me, and I collapsed on the ground.

1 hour later, Silver, Blaze and Tails flew in the Tornado, and found me and Sonic, weakened and wounded on the ground. They picked us up and flew back home.
Very long story, so read it people!
Silvaze068, I chose to stick to story writing, instead of script. Hope you like it!
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:iconcredocross:
credocross Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2011  Professional General Artist
indent and fix your paragraphs. Write in third person should help too hun! <3
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:iconvalora390:
Valora390 Featured By Owner Aug 12, 2011  Student Artist
i dont know how to write in thrid person. :S
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:iconcredocross:
credocross Featured By Owner Aug 21, 2011  Professional General Artist
it's simple really.

Sonic jumps to get out of the way of a stray fiend. "that was close" said Sonic with relief.

this is an example, rather small, but still. You use He/she to replace "I"
This type of writing fits better in a story kind of writing.
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:iconvalora390:
Valora390 Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2011  Student Artist
goddamniit! i know what to do!
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:iconcredocross:
credocross Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2011  Professional General Artist
okay hun, like you said. you wanted help.


I'm helping
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:iconvalora390:
Valora390 Featured By Owner Nov 28, 2011  Student Artist
not really.
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:iconcredocross:
credocross Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2011  Professional General Artist
fine
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:iconvalora390:
Valora390 Featured By Owner Dec 1, 2011  Student Artist
no sis i really need ur help on this one. plz help ur little "pichu" with my story. ok? PLZ HELP.
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:iconvalora390:
Valora390 Featured By Owner Dec 1, 2011  Student Artist
no sis i really need ur help on this one. plz help ur little "pichu" with my story. ok? PLZ HELP.
Reply
:iconvalora390:
Valora390 Featured By Owner Aug 23, 2011  Student Artist
thxs for the info!
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